if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
