The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
