Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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