i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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