At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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