Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
