Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
