Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
