I accidentally burped into my bong.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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