Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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