You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
