Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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