yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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