Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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