Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her