Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going