i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...