last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
