She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime