never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.