i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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