After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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