Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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