this beer tastes like vomit already
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
