So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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