no, he came in my armpit
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This house was built for laser tag.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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