Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
