So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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