He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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