imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
