Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
soo... how was my night?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
