dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
