ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't deserve a penis
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
