I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
