She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
