there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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