Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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