Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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