woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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