She is in my trunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
