I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
