doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
