Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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