piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
