I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
