you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My feet surprised me
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