so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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