I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
