im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
