No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When are your genitals available?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
