My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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