i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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