I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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