well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
