We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
