ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
