3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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