ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My liver just broke up with me...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
