a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
