I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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