he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
