my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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