My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
