Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
