they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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