I am puke
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
