the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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