Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I have peed in a lot of sinks
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
