shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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