Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
