When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
