It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
