I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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