Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
